The Balance

It's the time of year when we send and receive so many holiday greetings. Last year, I was so overwhelmed with "the fall that I did too much" that I just gave up on trying to send out cards. Of course, I could have just sent out an e-newsletter, but I'm just not into that. I happened to receive one today, and while I did sort of want to know what was going on with this person, I found her news to be...incredibly...boring. Maybe, it was the lack of show not tell writing (I am an English teacher, mind you). Maybe, I just wasn't in the right mood (I am an unemployed English teacher, mind you). Maybe, it was really boring. When I talked to my lovely soul mate about it, he said that it was telling about the kind of life the sender probably leads. Hmm. Now, I'm feeling guilty for finding it boring (oh, that Catholic upbringing). So I'll try to be less judge-y. It is the holiday season after all.

Our First Visit to See The Nutcracker

I bought tickets for family night Nutcracker at the SF Ballet. We got to take pictures with the cast before the show. My handsome companion did not want to take a picture with the bad guy Mouse that was available. It was a beautiful show -- even from the nosebleed seats.

Why Are All These Idiots Working While I'm Unemployed?

I have to admit that I stole that title from my friend who have been out of work for a some time. She is at the point of thinking that she'll never work again, and while I sometimes have thoughts of never been able to teach again, I do have hope that I will have something in the future.

In the meantime, I am "taking care of business" so to speak. Today, I tried to get my driver's side mirror replaced on my minivan. I should explain that we live on a very narrow street that the Muni bus drives on four times an hour. When my minivan got kicked out of the garage because of our very cool hybrid, I parked on the street with my wheels on the sidewalk. Everything seemed okay until this year when the city started looking for revenue and began ticketing cars left and right. Before I could get a ticket, I started parking off the sidewalk, and things were okay -- that is, until a couple of months ago. I had parked the van and went in for lunch. Two hours later, my mirror was shattered. Luckily, the mirrors fold, so just the glass was broken and the mirror wasn't hanging off the side.

With our upcoming trip to Tahoe, I decided that I should get the mirror fixed. Yesterday, I called the dealership that we always go to. They have the VIN for our van, and I thought they ordered the right part. Today, I went in to have it installed and get an oil change. The oil change went fine, but the parts department apparently ordered the wrong mirror. This, they didn't find out until they had opened up the door and found out they couldn't connect the wires. Wankers.

When I spoke with the parts guy, he told me that I asked for the wrong part. WHAT!?! He said my mirror was heated and they had ordered the non-heated one. I told him that I didn't have a heated mirror, and some other doof said I wouldn't really know. WTF!?! The first parts guy said that he could tell from my VIN which mirror my van required. I asked him why did the person on the phone ask me if my mirror was heated if I couldn't really tell, and if he had my VIN and he could tell which part I need, why in the world did he ask me all the other information and then proceed to order the wrong part. He couldn't answer my question. Douchebags. The worst part is having to go back and get my mirror fixed. Overall, I really like getting my car serviced at this place. It's the douchebaggery that has to go.

Wednesday at Home

We're now in the middle of spring break, and we're going out tonight to the Giants night opener. I have not had a dedicated day for grading papers; rather, I've tried to do just a little every day. I feel like this has worked for me better than trying to block out a whole day to ignore my family and work.

My life partner has also taken the week off, and the whole family has been at home. We've just worked on home projects, which is good. I feel like we always have stuff that we can go through and give away. My children and I are such packrats when we should really just let go.

I Am of the Air (When I Plan for It!)

Life can seem so ethereal sometimes. We wander from place to place and from situation to situation. I, for one, worry and plan so many aspects of my life. I almost always need to know what I will be doing next. I would not be described as spontaneous -- unless you count spontaneously throwing students out of class. I do love to sit and chat with a friend or bliss out on exercise or a good book. I am not one to drop everything to do something else although I have tried to allow a little more unpredictability into my life.

Practicing Detachment

This is the first year I've been back in the classroom since taking a break almost ten years ago. it's also the first year, I've ever had a student who had a brain tumor. She actually had it taken out two years ago when she was in the middle school. I had not thought much about it until I had a meeting with her parents to talk about how I could help her in the classroom. I watched her mother calmly talk about her condition and how my student has been having worse and worse migraines. That made me feel bad, but then, her mom said, "She doesn't want to have cancer," and for the first time it hit me that this girl that I so enjoy in my class might be terminal. I wanted to cry there and then, but I didn't. I remained calm and listened. When I got home that evening, I had a sense of malaise from pondering the idea of this teenager's life.

Today, she had a really bad headache, and she was crying because it hurt so much. I had her friend take her down to the office and remained calm in front of my class. I cried as I drove home. My friends who work in healthcare as doctors and specialists are able to listen to almost any problem without letting on how they feel because they are able to separate how they feel from how they react.

As a teacher, I cry while reading a touching essay and laugh when they are funny. I celebrate my students' triumphs and feel saddened by their defeats. They make me appreciate my children's lives and all the joy and the sadness that comes with them.

In class, I am stable. Although my emotions ebb and flow almost as quickly as the teenagers' around me, they almost never know. While many of them think they are adults, I am the only grown-up in the room, and I have to act the part.

The Problem with Facebook or Why Can't the Luddites Stay Away?

So, I am not really a public figure, but having a number of friends on Facebook does make me watch what I do. It's enough that I hold myself to a higher standard because I am around impressionable teenagers all day, but my cyber self must also hold true to the higher standards.

I used to love being on FB because I could say funny things, and maybe people would get a chuckle and move on. But really now, do people have to comment on everything and make a joke about everything. Seriously. Thank goodness I know how to block people from selective parts of my FB page.

Pink Slip Wednesday

So, it's done. I met with my principal this morning, and he had me sign a couple of sheets to prove that he had given me my pinkslip. Even though I have a couple of free periods, I really wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible. My most challenging class was right before, so I didn't feel that bad about being told that I didn't have a job for next year. If it had been after teaching my class of sweethearts, I would have been devastated.

The other day, we had talked with the kids about the fact that every job has aspects that we don't like. For a principal, it is probably having to hand out pinkslips to teachers during their first year. Having been a teacher for a while, I wasn't surprised by it. That doesn't make it any easier to take.

An Introduction

After resisting the trend to post my every thought for all to see, I finally decided to write and somehow, you have managed to stumble upon my little blog. A little about myself, I am an English teacher by trade and by training, and I work in a public high school. I am also a parent of three boys -- all still in elementary school. I love both of those aspects of my life.

This is the eve of what I assume to be my pinkslip meeting day with the principal at my school. I received an email saying that I am to have a brief meeting with him during my prep. I am both sad and ambivalent to be laid off. I can't say that this has been my best year of teaching, but I can say I have had more great days than not so great. That's saying a lot.

I think of this job -- any job, really -- as a country that I'm visiting. I know the culture and customs after spending time here, but while it may be difficult to acclimate to a new place, I have done it before, and I will do it again. Life keeps moving.