This is the first year I've been back in the classroom since taking a break almost ten years ago. it's also the first year, I've ever had a student who had a brain tumor. She actually had it taken out two years ago when she was in the middle school. I had not thought much about it until I had a meeting with her parents to talk about how I could help her in the classroom. I watched her mother calmly talk about her condition and how my student has been having worse and worse migraines. That made me feel bad, but then, her mom said, "She doesn't want to have cancer," and for the first time it hit me that this girl that I so enjoy in my class might be terminal. I wanted to cry there and then, but I didn't. I remained calm and listened. When I got home that evening, I had a sense of malaise from pondering the idea of this teenager's life.
Today, she had a really bad headache, and she was crying because it hurt so much. I had her friend take her down to the office and remained calm in front of my class. I cried as I drove home. My friends who work in healthcare as doctors and specialists are able to listen to almost any problem without letting on how they feel because they are able to separate how they feel from how they react.
As a teacher, I cry while reading a touching essay and laugh when they are funny. I celebrate my students' triumphs and feel saddened by their defeats. They make me appreciate my children's lives and all the joy and the sadness that comes with them.
In class, I am stable. Although my emotions ebb and flow almost as quickly as the teenagers' around me, they almost never know. While many of them think they are adults, I am the only grown-up in the room, and I have to act the part.
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